Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My Letter to the former Presidential Candidate


Dear Mr Perry,

We the citizens of Texas write with a grave concern that is near and dear to our hearts. We must not, as a state, export another douchebag as president. Sure, you may rightly object that Mr Bush Jr was a Connecticut yankee. But damn Rick, in your case we couldn't blame you on the east coast elite. Without a valid excuse Texas would have to take full responsibility for you as president. We can only imagine the entire country run like this state under your leadership- mass welfare lines, job creation led by McDonalds, organized crime and violence oozing over the borders like that discharge from your urethra you should probably have checked out. Not to mention the legal system that would make Judge Freisler proud. Theres also the immigration thing which is an auxiliary issue to the organized crime issue mentioned earlier. But Rick, think of your state, even if you didn't during your administration.
Not only the country but the whole world would have Texas to blame for your allowing you to run for that powerful and un-sacred office, sullying the reputation of the proudest state in the union. Hell then maybe Texas would have to secede in shame from the union if you were elected. Do you know how gay of you it was to deepthroat that corndog? It wasn't attractive when that anne rice-vampire-IRS-bitch Bachmann did it and certainly wasn't for anyone in this country when you did except for the majority of the playgirl readership community. And we know those church girls like Bachmann have no gag reflex, but whats your excuse? No Texan I know would be caught dead that far into yankee country performing illicit sex acts on an unsuspecting meat dish. Do you think a cocksucker could ever be taken seriously in international affairs? We all know, Rick Sucker of Dicks, that Uncle Sam is the suckee. As a sucker, if not of phalluses, then of the internationalists who anointed you at the last Bilderberg conference, you have lost your qualifications to be president.

Its not the obvious gayness that bothers Texans, but the fakeness. After the Obama administration we require honesty from our politicians, and for you, this would start with honesty concerning whether your public image matches the reality of your personal life. As Frederich Nietzsche once said, “Become what you are”. Become what you are Mr. Perry, become what you are.

P.S- it is now clear why you would attend a camp called n***erhead. You must've been enraptured in some fantasy about a massive purple headed yogurt slinger the entire time.

Sincerely,
Texas

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